Monster
by syyg
Summary: Ichigo worries about Soul Society, Aizen and his inner hollow.


Author's note: This may be continued. Who do you think is asking the question of Ichigo?

* * *

_"The secret side of me, I never let you see_

_I keep it caged but I can't control it_

_so stay away from me, the beast is ugly_

_I feel it's rage and I can't control it_

_It's scratching on the walls, in the closet, in the halls _

_It comes awake and I can't control it _

_Hiding under the bed, in my body, in my head _

_Why won't somebody come and save me from this, make it end?"_

The hollow had gained strength. Ichigo could feel it shifting in his mind, and his eyes had turned yellow, according to his freinds, when he'd nearly lost his temper after a large group of idiots had tried to flirt with the female members of his Nakama after, and because of their stated disinterest in them. Ichigo had told no one about the hollow in his soul, trying to keep It from talking to him, in an effort to keep it from doing something horrible, something drastic. It would likely devour everyone and everything it could in his hometown if he let it.

_"I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin _

_I must confess that I feel like a monster _

_I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun _

_I must confess that I feel like a monster_

_I, I feel like a monster I, I feel like a monster" _

At times he swore, when he looked in the mirror, he could see paper white skin where his tan skin should be, black painted nails, and gold on black eyes instead of what he truly looked like. He would shake his head and his form would go back to normal, as if he had simply dreamt of the monster that was lurking deep within his soul. As if it was just beneath the surface of his skin, plotting, waiting for the right moment to tear itself out of his skin and devour him whole. Ichigo almost dared not to train with the others or fight against hollows, as he was much stronger than they were, but what if he got overwhelmed, or felt so, as in his fight with Byakuya, and risk It slaughtering his friends?

_"My secret side I keep hid under lock and key I_

_keep it caged but I can't control it '_

_Cause if I let him out he'll tear me up, break me down _

_Why won't somebody come and save me from this, make it end? _

_I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin _

_I_ _must confess that I feel like a monster _

_I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun_

_I must confess that I feel like a monster"_

Ichigo hated feeling like this... Being so terrified of himself, his powers. But he had legitimate reasons to fear the hollow that lurked in his dream and in his soul world. The teen knew that the Hollow would destroy and eat him, He had said as much when they had met after the clash between them and Byakuya. He needed help, he needed someone to explain why he had such a thing inside of him, especially since Ichigo was supposed to be part Soul Reaper and part human not... Whatever the hell he was now. But who could he go to that wouldn't slaughter him on the spot for being part hollow? He didn't trust anyone, not even Rukia, enough to tell them as they dealt with people and beings who were unusual or unruly in extreme measures. Ichigo was certain the only thing that he and his friends had their lives now was because of Aizen... And Urahara was no better than Soul Society, lying about why he was helping them rescue her by putting in the hogyouku in her in the first place, and wanted it retrieved before Aizen could get it. He was fairly certain that Urahara had knowingly forced him into becoming this... This monstrous thing that he truly was.

_"I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin _

_I must confess that I feel like a monster _

_I, I feel like a monster I, I feel like a monster _

_It's hiding in the dark, it's teeth are razor sharp _

_There's no escape for me, it wants my soul, it wants my heart _

_No one can hear me scream, maybe it's just a dream _

_Maybe it's inside of me, stop this monster"_

Ichigo hadn't gone to anyone so far for help, and the only times that he'd broken down, ewerei nside his soul ream, or curled up on his bed, hyperventilating about this whole situation one night after an exhausiting series of hollows had provoked the voice into laughing and hissing at him, telling the orangette that if he wanted a break, that his 'faithful horse' would take those pathetic bastards down, as why should they hold back against such weaklings? A snap and a slash there and their enemies' blood would be at their feet. The human losers as well, and it would be so very lovely to be covered in their blood? to taste and consume the ruby liquid? Ichigo was afraid that he was simply going insane and the 'hollow' was simply all of the negative feeling that he had repressed compressing into a single form that he could comprehend. If that was true, what would happen if the hollow, or whatever it was,

_"I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin _

_I must confess that I feel like a monster _

_I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun _

_I must confess that I feel like a monster _

_I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin I_

_must confess that I feel like a monster _

_I_ _'ve gotta lose control, he something radical _

_I must confess that I feel like a monster" _

The orangette was on his lonesome, walking around hunting for hollows while listening to the song that fit his situation so eerily well. It was night and the others were resting or in Soul Society. The teen had been singing with the song, subconsciously. His emotions were clearly evident. The self loathing and fearing of himself was very obvious. This was one very troubled and vulnerable young man. One that could be taken advantage of if someone disreputable knew what do to and what to say in order to 'save' the young spiritual being, as the other so desperately wanted.

_"I, I feel like a monster _

_I, I feel like a monster _

_I, I feel like a monster _

_I, I feel like a monster"_

Ichigo shouted the last four lines out to anyone who could hear, which so happened to be one brown haired spiritual being. Those fools had no idea how emotionally weak their potential savior was, they seemed to assume that they knew all about him ,as well as where his loyalties lay. But how could they be so set when he as recently an enemy of theirs and they would likely eviscerate the poor young man for a part of his nature, a part of his soul that Urahara had brought out in the young orangette.

"Kurosaki Ichigo you seem to be very troubled. Care to tell me what has upset you so very much?"


End file.
